look at the time people… that’s how late i am reaching home from celebrating this house-to-house visits. by the way i drove after one zillooonnn months…
the need to express my anger, wrath, frustration and sadness. i badly need a hug. a tight squeeze and i’ll feel safe again..
furthermore i am still waiting for him to message me. i should be hang! he’e already asleep WTH am i waiting for??!! told you i should be hang and killed for hoping toooooooo much. haiz
he can message me to inform me but… i don’t know what’s the reason behind all this. is ALLAH trying to show me something? is him trying to show me something??
i feel like crying. but it’s so frustrating when tears are not rolling down my cheeks. my heart is crying out LOUD inside. tears have been a part of my daily routine at night. tonight it choose to hold on, be strong.
is it so hard to message me. he had a choice. why let me go through all this pain? he knows what i am. did he chose not to message me? then he chose to hurt me.
how am i suppose to tell him that i am upset because of his actions? and later i have to hear all his rants about my perfection, my ways. HOW?
i never said that i was PERFECT! i told him before that i tend to hurt others intentionally. i am capable of it.
but hurting him is always the most regretful thing that i went through.
last friday, he said that he wanted to accompany me to take the car. but when i asked him the night before. he wasn’t sure if he could since he’s going out with his family. i was trying to be reasonable. seriously. i wasn’t angry. i even told him that it was fine that i take it alone.
but obviously i wasn’t totally fine. the least he could do was try. try to make me feel better. is that too much to ask for? am i too much?
sometimes i am not even sure how i lasted so long with him. he should have let me go long ago, so that he doesn’t suffer emotionally with a gf like me.
i am just so so angry at myself! i let myself fall and never wonder who’s gonna catch me. i let myself believe that love is beautiful always. my fantasy about love life. TOTAL CRAP!
no kisses no goodbyes today
