yesterday i was supposed to go to dear’s house for dinner. since i was hesitated to go because of some issue (not mentioning) i decided not to go. it was really a half-hearted decision because i’m supposed to go. i don’t want it to be an issue for his family. i don’t want it to be formal. i hate formality. i should just go, but i second guess that it wasn’t an ideal decision. its his family and i’m not related and am barely even close to them.
it was such a hard day to concentrate with school. i kept thinking if it was fine. it affected my class. i was in disarray. i contemplated on messsaging him. but knowing him he’ll just shrugged and let you live in denial. he’ll let me deal with my decision. be it right or wrong. then he’ll say that you decided on it. so i have to live with the fact not knowing if i did it right.
its so hard, occasionally, to have to argue about right versus wrong.
then the day ends with me at home. i was really half hoping that he’ll come to my house. but because its his brother’s birthday i had to sooth my heart from hoping. very irking! but yes. my heart is crying silently.
my heart hurts and i hurt him back by not calling him at night. i went straight to bed, very early. i’m sucha a bitch! i know.
i guess he knows i was hurt because that’s the usual routine i-am-angry-at-you.
my head is so screwed!
i just want a hug now!!!
